L: Hello? yes? hello? yes, good morning. I'm calling because my laptop does not work.
BOFH: Well, tell me what happens.
L: I do not work. BOFH
(must think I'm deaf and dumb and I have not understood your first sentence): specifically happens? will not start? the mouse does not work? is no internet?
L: I looked, I have no email, I have no internet, no nothing works for me.
BOFH (we learning) and internet mail only or we fail word?
L: mail and the Internet. BOFH
(gentlemen, as everyone knows, words such as ping, ipconfig, etc are unknown to the L, so we're going with a dose of patience.): Let's see how we solve it. Click Start, Run and type cmd. You get a black window right?
L: yes!
BOFH: type ping ...
L: how? (I am deaf and I do not understand the words of less than 5 letters).
BOFH: ping. Spelling Le P, I, N, G (starts with it and finished with sonotone lord).
L: ok, ping.
BOFH: space 10.0.0.1 and press enter. You don?
L: timed for this application. 4 times.
BOFH: you connect via wifi or cable?
L: with the cable.
BOFH: What are you plugged in?
L: if .... (Background noise: CLICK = noise made by the tab of a network cable to fit into the connector).
L: ah, well it was not enfuchado (ie, I'm a bum host that before looking to see if I have my cable plugged in instead of hanging from the table, I devote myself to call people who have no other thing to do to lose 15 minutes of your life with me.)
L: I regret the inconvenience.
BOFH: nothing happens (damn bastard).
L: thanks and goodbye.
BOFH: until then (and hopefully get caught watching porn).
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